Because if you think my roommate has trained this animal at all, you’d be mistaken. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the worst way to have an animal in your home. So when you’re cheering for the Colts, you can shit on the Patriots!’” You’re like, ‘I told you, woman! I hate the Patriots! How dare you?’ And she’s like, ‘Wait, wait! Don’t strike me! I was thinking tonight, when you watch the game, you could wear the Patriots diapers. She comes home, and she brings home a pair of Patriots diapers. “Why can’t adult diapers have patterns? I feel like this is a perfect opportunity for the NFL. “‘Fuck, give me a lighter, I gotta hear this shit.’” 10 Nicole Aimée Schreiber ‘(Takes a drag) Well, she said she’s keeping it.’ “You go outside, that smoker’s interesting immediately. Inside, it’s fake with co-workers: ‘It’s casual jeans Friday! Hehehe.’ ‘Whatever, Susie, you fake b-tch.’ They’re going through shit, that’s why they smoke. Because you talk to smokers outside, they’re way more interesting than people inside. “Cigarettes are the most addicting ‘cause they ban it indoors. This little Asian woman, my mom, is walking around freaking out yelling, ‘WHO WIN?!?! WE WIN?!?! WHO WIN?!?! WE WIN?!?!’” Play
My brother and I got separated from my mom for like two minutes at the Pearl Harbor Memorial. I’ll tell you what happened: We were really young, and we were on a family vacation in Hawaii. “When you’re an immigrant, you come to America and you gotta make a decision: Keep your name out of pride, or change it. His name now is Ben, but his real name is Huu Nguyen. I have an older brother who has it worse.
But my real name, my Vietnamese name is spelled H-U-Y. That’s why you’ve never heard of it.’” Play 12 John Wynn Some people are like, ‘What is Estonia like?’ ‘Go home, put your head in the freezer. This is how little Estonians give a shit about our country: We didn’t even do a Wikipedia page. The most fucked-up part is it came up on the fourth page. No bullshit, I saw them Googling Estonia. Two weeks ago, I was at the Vancouver airport, the border guy closed the window and called another guy over. “It’s fucked up being from a made-up country (Matti is from Estonia).
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